Death is a gloomy subject. Whether we are pondering our death someday in the future, or experiencing the death of a loved one, it is not an easy matter to deal with.
Alright, so you might be wondering, Gregg, why would you choose to write about such a depressing subject?
Well unfortunately my grandfather passed away recently. He lived a good 102 years…which is pretty darn good by today’s standards, though in a sense still too short. It is because of his passing that I’ve had some time to think about death. Consequently from this reflection, I’ve come to some realizations and perspectives about death that I wish to share that hopefully may also help you at some point in the future.
Dealing with the Death of a Loved One
In literature, stories that often end up with the protagonist getting killed or that have a lot of death are considered tragic (as opposed to comedic). Our lives then by default will end in tragedy. We know this of course because experiencing the death of a loved one, be it an immediate family member or close friend is hard and always tragic.
That is definitely how it felt for my family and me as we said our thank yous and goodbyes to my grandpa. We were lucky however, because as with the case of my grandfather, his death itself was the most tragic thing about his passing.
You are probably thinking “Of course his death was tragic. How was his passing lucky for you and your family?”
Well, it’s because there wasn’t anything else worse than his death.
If you are confused, let me explain.
We often think death is the worst thing in the world and no doubt I’m sure we’ve asked ourselves “Is there anything worse than death?” Unfortunately, I would say yes, there is something worse than death such as suffering before death.
Something even worse than that? How about “regretting your life and suffering before your death because of negative actions in life you willingly chose to do.”
So yeah, as you can see some things can be added to the list upon or after the death that can make the event much worse and tragic.
As for my grandfather’s case, since I consider his death the most tragic part, I view his death as “the best it could possibly have gone” due to these two main reasons:
1). He passed peacefully – he did not suffer and died a natural death in his sleep.
I am grateful that before his death, my grandfather was not in any pain while in the hospital. Considering we are always at risk of dying and there are many brutal and painful ways to die, he was able to avoid all of that and pass away naturally. It sounds weird to say this, but I hope to die the same way he did and not due to any sort of medical issues, accidents, or serious injury.
Two other factors also contributed to my grandfather’s nice passing. The first was my belief that he was at peace and had come to accept it was his time. Though I will never be sure if this is true or not, this is the belief I hold. He had after all (in my opinion) lived a fulfilling and meaningful life – not one of regret or remorse for anything.
The other factor was the doctor(s) and nursing staff at the hospital – all of whom were very kind, patient, and helpful to both him and my family. If the doctor is reading this, thank you for taking care of him to the best of your ability.
2) It’s helped bring my family closer and has allowed us to spend more time together.
The death of a loved one seems to generally leave two outcomes to the surviving family – either they get closer or it causes friction (due to inheritance, money, etc). Fortunately, the effect of my grandfather’s death was the former and not the latter for my family.
To me, this is a testament to the man my grandfather was in doing a great job in raising his family (along with/ my grandmother) and in being a long-term, forward-thinking person who planned and made sure everything would be taken care of when he passed such as securing the medical and funeral expenses, establishing a trust, and being detailed and specific with what he wanted upon his passing.
Though not surrounded by us when he went (due to COVID and hospital policy), on a day that the hospital did allow us to visit, I could see the love as our family came together to say our final thanks and goodbyes before he passed in the hospital
With his funeral coming up and family flying in from the mainland, it will be nice and give us even more opportunity to spend time and celebrate his life.
Conclusion
So yeah, as you can see there wasn’t anything else that was negative about his passing. I mean, if I wanted to be nit-picky I could say that I wish he had died in his home and that he had been surrounded by us (his family) when he passed, but besides that can’t see much else to complain about.
I hope this perspective will help you the next time you experience the unfortunate death of a loved one. Remember that regardless of the exact situation the death causes it can always be worse. Instead, focus on and appreciate the positive aspects of the passing hopefully. I believe this shift in perspective is the best and fastest way to help you accept and be at peace with the tragedy as it did for me.
A similar death to my grandfather’s is also what I hope and wish for you too. Regardless of how long you live, I encourage you to live life every day focused on what’s important, meaningful, and fulfilling – family, relationships, and love.